Getting ready for school

So the time of the year that nearly every student dreads most is fast approaching. Returning to school! Now it doesn't matter if you are a high school student, college student or a university student, as soon as you see the date on the calendar getting closer, dread begins to overcome you. Panic over getting school clothes or new clothes, stationery, notepads, books, making study schedules and having to plan everything in order to still do well but still live your life can be overwhelming. Especially if you are like me who stresses over something as simple as dropping something on the floor.

I am going into my 1st year of my final classes of my degree and right now I'm freaking out. Previous students who have graduated had warned the new students that the tutors are harsh and mean for this course and do not hold back or care about being polite. It is also jam packed with things to read and assessments. For people who do not have any disabilities, it is an extremely stressful course so for me, it is scary to even think about how I will react to it. My personality and FND are the complete opposite. My personality thrives on stress and challenges whereas my FND if it detects the smallest amount of stress it's like sirens going off. Symptoms come in full force and make it even harder for me to do anything never mind sit and read a book and then make a plan on how I'm going to write my assessments. Luckily for me in my first 2 years, my tutors were nice and understood that I had a disability that can make it harder for me to understand things due to brain fog. But now I'm approaching my final classes and I'm going to be thrown into the deep end as it will be like working. I can't get away with messing up a sentence because my brain thinks that is how it's meant to go and then when I'm better and read it I'm like "What the hell am I talking about".

I'm studying business management so I can not afford to have any mistakes as when I begin working it will not only cause my employer and co-workers stress but it could affect the entire company. So naturally, I'm freaking out because not only do I have to deal with the workload of university but also try to create a balance between pushing myself and letting myself have "off days", which with this year I can not afford to have "off days" because I am doing 2 classes at 60 credits each so both will have jam packed schedules. Also, I'm studying a foreign language that I can not take time off from as after I graduate I will be moving to that country.

I also have to think about what I will do if I get hospitalized, not only with FND but with other health issues I've had recently. Due to the worry and knowing that after next week I could be put in a hospital, I have started studying already so that I will not be behind. My classes don't start until October so I have time to relax but with impending situations, I really don't want to take the chance and be calm and unprepared. That is another part of my personality that clashes with FND. I like to plan things down to the dot but FND doesn't realise that is how I enjoy living my life and decides to ruin my plans by making an appearance.

So, in conclusion, FND+ being a student = unpredictable, extremely stressful, full of worries and makes us anxious because we still want to do well and not our illness stop us.