What I've learnt since having FND

With everything in life, we learn new things. Some can be academic and some can be about life, how people truly are and you learn a lot about yourself. When you are faced with an illness you realise a lot more about life that you never knew before and some things you wish you never got to learn. In this post, I will speak about 5 positive things I've learnt and 5 negative things.

Positives

1. You realise what you are actually capable of doing.

Although with FND there are limitations, you realise what you can do simply because you push yourself further in order to accomplish something and to prove to not only others but to yourself that you can indeed do it.

2. You get to try new things You can do this without FND but usually, you are so caught up in the things that you have been doing for years that you don't really pay attention to things that have caught your interest slightly. With FND because 90% of the time we can no longer do the things we used to before, we can explore the hobbies that had taken our interest but we did nothing before in order to do it. A lot of the time we actually really enjoy it, maybe more than our old hobbies?

3. You become positive This doesn't happen right as you get the diagnosis, this definitely does take a lot of time to get to this phase. But once you get there, oh wow! I never knew how great it felt to live in a positive light. I've always been fairly positive but with FND, it's someone put my positivity on steroids. I definitely say "I can do it" a lot more and "Everything will get better. It's a just a small bump on the road."

4. You become more determined Again like point 3, this one takes some time to get to. Once you learn more and understand more about FND, you know your limitations and you begin to put them to the test. You push them that light bit further to overcome them. Sometimes it kicks you in the backend but you still keep trying to extend your abilities and lessen your limitations.

5. FND Family When you have an illness that literally no one has a clue what is going on it can be difficult to get support. So who is the best support you can possibly get when no one understands? Those who also have FND. With social media groups set up in order to bring us to together, for "veterans" in the illness to share some light and positivity to those who are newly diagnosed or are still coming to terms with their diagnosis, for support when you are stressed about even dropping say a piece of ham ( ok well not that anyone posts about dropping ham but you get the idea right?). We are there to support and encourage each other and because we have no one else who can support us in that way. We became like a little family that was brought together in confusion, grief, anger, frustration and fear.

Now onto the negatives, there are so many negatives and if I just list my symptoms there will be 17 so let's go with 5 and let's see if I can actually stick to it!

1. Not actually knowing why or how you have FND This one annoys 100% of us. We have no idea how we ended up with this illness. One minute we were running around, climbing trees and doing cartwheels (I used to be awesome at cartwheels haha) and the next we were in tears with pain. How? I have no idea, Does the doctor know? Nope, they are as clueless as we are. So if someone was to ask you how you ended up with the illness, you just shrug and say you have no idea you just have it.

2. Saying goodbye to past hobbies This one was possibly the hardest for me. There is a reason why they were your hobbies and that is because you loved doing it. For me, it was sports, from football, rugby, dancing, gymnastics, basketball and my all time favourite exercise running. Running was my stress release so after realising that I couldn't do it anymore, my stress levels went through the roof. I stopped watching everything to do with the sports I used to do because it upset me but the one thing I couldn't stop watching was Rugby. I am too much of a fan to not watch it, especially the six nations. The only game I don't watch is Scotland vs Ireland. Purely because I'm Scottish so I have to support my home team but also because I'm a fan of Ireland's team. So if I was to go to the matches I would be in a top that was half Scotland and half Ireland and cheering the entire time no matter who scored a try.

3. Losing friends Ok, so this one is kind of a bitter sweet one. Of course, it is always difficult to lose a friendship but at the same time, it makes you think "Were they really my friend?" because well having an illness isn't something which is a valid reason to end a friendship. So although it is a negative that your friend's circle shortens it makes you realise who is really your friend.

4. Stigma In life, there is literally a stigma attached to everything. But when you are trying to cope with an illness that you have no idea what is going to happen from one second to the next, having a stigma attached to it is even more difficult to get over. Having people call you a benefit thief, lazy because you can't work and say that you are just wanting attention is difficult to cope with. If we were given the choice to still have FND or go back to our old lives, I'm pretty sure 100% of us would be sprinting towards our old lives.

5. Symptoms Of course, this was going to be on the list! I mean there is literally nothing positive about them. Having brain fog whilst trying to write an assessment? Hell! Being in pain when you are nowhere near home? Torture! Spasms, seizures, fatigue, muscle weakness and much more being thrown at you from every angle isn't pleasant in the slightest.

So that is the 5 positives and the 5 negatives that I have learnt since having FND. Do you relate to them?